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Large Family Planning

large family

Recently I sat in church with Chuck and ten of our little lambs spread out in the pew between us. Our children were all perfectly groomed, of course. Hair freshly washed, the boys in ironed pants and button up shirts. The girls in long dresses and freshly braided hair and matching ribbons.

Or something like that.

Sitting in the row right behind me was my mom. And I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation which included the word: IBS (you can look that up if you want).

I tuned it out. I, of course, was far too busy focusing on preparing my heart for the sermon when I heard my mom’s voice again.

I had a stroke when I was young from taking the birth control pill. I have Factor V which is a blood disorder, so I can’t take anything hormonal“.

All this was fine and good. Once again I was focusing on the Lord’s Day, not my mom’s conversation. Until I heard this:

And that’s my daughter, Renee. She can’t take the birth control pill either“.

And there I was. In the pew with ten kids. TEN. While my mom explained to a stranger that I can’t take the birth control pill.

Well, that explains a lot, I suppose.



  1. Melpub

    Always preferred diaphragms myself. The pill is a disaster–I hear nothing but tales of weight gain, weird health problems, including especially sudden attacks of depression–from women, and that’s even with the newer versions of the Pill. Stick to something that doesn’t alter your hormonal structure. See the PBS film on the Pill–you’ll be horrified. Everybody forget the rhythm method –only a man could have thought that one up. Unless we re-define the term as “rhythm” makes it all a whole lot of fun.

  2. Kathryn

    Doesn’t factor V also increase your risk of clots during pregnancy? After my son was born a medical student asked about my birth control plans and I said I was planning to avoid buying sperm from the fertility clinic.

  3. Anna

    My mom, who only had two kids and went back to work as soon as I could stay home alone, watched my seven kids while I had my ultrasound for #8. When I got home she said I needed a second washing machine to keep up with laundry. I haven’t been home long enough to do laundry for five days on top of having a broken dryer most of the month of February, plus I cloth diaper so guess what gets washing priority? I told her a second washing machine wouldn’t be helpful, but a second me would. And I probably won’t ask her to babysit again.

  4. Christine

    Gotta love moms! I’ve recently realized, it’s a job hazard of being a mom. How you can inadvertently embarrass your kids without even trying.

  5. Erica

    The rhythm method is very outdated, but natural family planning can be very successful thought it takes effort (temping/cervical mucus checks). And you know there’s always…condoms…easy/non-hormonal/safe.

  6. Willemina H

    That is hilarious!!
    Reading the comments was equally funny. Some people just didn’t get the humour in that. They thought they’d give options to the lady who can’t take birth control pill. As if!!!
    I have 7 kids and the senior ladies that sit behind us aren’t to discreet either. Sometimes I think my kids are being quiet in church just so they can eavesdrop!

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