Looking at that pile of socks, you might think we love socks. You might think we were out to have all the socks we can.
Socks. Dozens of socks. Big socks, small socks. New socks, old socks. Colored socks, white socks and formerly white socks.
The bane of my existence as the mom of a large family.
Socks Education. I’ve obviously failed miserably in this department.
Years ago, when my family was just beginning I heard a mom of a large family say she solved the Sock Issue this way: white socks for girls, black socks for boys. It sounded so brilliantly simple. I vowed then and there to do the Black Socks for Boys and White Socks for Girls system. All these years later, I can’t remember how many children that clever mom had, nor what age spread of children she had. This, however, I can guarantee: she did not have fourteen children ranging in age from three to twenty-one.
I have one son, who shall remain nameless, who I am convinced puts on a pair of socks and simply keeps wearing them until they rot off his body. You know, sort of like medieval peasants used to do? Perhaps he is just a history buff in the making, trying to live as authentically as possible. I’m kind of afraid to ask…
Sock Issues are what separate hardcore mega-family moms from average large family moms. How do I know this? Recently a friend (and mother of six) commented on Facebook that she combats the problem like this: if she sees a child’s sock lying around, she calls them, right then, to come pick them up. Problem solved.
But here’s the deal, if I found a stray sock or two or two dozen lying around, I would have no idea who that sock belonged to. I have three little boys who all wear the same size socks. I have three girls who wear the same size socks and two more younger girls who wear the same (different) size. I have solved the teen boy Sock Issue by simply buying black for Enoch and white for Judah. But that only solves the problem for those two.
I have seriously considered, renting the socks out to my children. Keeping them all in an undisclosed location and handing them out for a quarter a piece, or in exchange for a pair of dirty socks…but I just don’t need one more thing to deal with during my busy days.
There is nothing quite as demoralizing as completing a load of laundry and being left with several dozen matchless socks. Okay, if I strain I can think of a few more demoralizing things, but not many.
Socks that I threw ruthlessly, with reckless abandon into the garbage yesterday. Sure, one or two had mates, but they also had HOLES and I cannot stand one more day in this house facing a mountain of stray socks that is higher than my mountain of matched, hole-less socks.
Last weekend I headed to K-Mart and bought $48 worth of socks at their buy one get one half off sale. Looks at those dozens of clean, new socks. Socks with mates! Socks in pristine condition!
Just look at that!
There is no longer any excuse for my children to run around sockless or in socks with holes.
All is well with the Baker’s Dozen crew.