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Theology Lessons from a Three Year Old


The Bible can be confusing at times. Especially when you’re three. The following is a conversation Jubilee and Apollo had the other evening before bed.

Apollo: Jesus is God’s mommy.

Jubilee: Oh…

Apollo: They put nails in him!

Jubilee: Yeah. In his hands and feet.

Apollo (little gasps as he realizes something shocking): Did they put nails in his penis?!

Jubilee: Ah…I don’t think so.

Apollo: Or his bum?

Jubilee: No!

Apollo: When Jesus went on the cross the mommy was like ‘No! My son‘.

Jubilee (with a sigh): Do you want me to read you the Bible?

Apollo: Yes.

And so Jubilee began reading him the book of Jonah…and he continued to ask questions.




  1. Melpub

    This is lovely, and reminds me of a joke: St. Peter is taking the day off and gets Jesus to substitute for him. Jesus is nervous, says, “What do you say?” and St. Peter says, “Aw, it’s easy. You ask ’em their name, a little about their parents, what they did in life, and if they seem okay, ya let ’em in.” So Jesus takes over and interviews people. Everything’s find until an old man comes along and Jesus asks his name.
    “Joseph,” says the old man. Hmm, thinks Jesus, that does sound familiar. So he asks Josef what he did in life.
    “I was a carpenter,” says Joseph. This also sounds very familiar to Jesus. So he says, excitedly, “Gee, Joseph . . . did you have any children?”
    “Yes . . . one son . . . and he turned out . . . sadly.” Jesus thinks to himself, “Hmm, carpenter, name is Joseph, had one son, son turned out sadly . . . ”
    “Josef, could you describe your son?”
    “Well,” Josef says, “He had holes in his hands and feet.” Jesus is just amazed. Joseph, carpenter, one son, turns out sadly, had holes in hands and feet. He turns to Joseph and says,
    “Dad????” and Joseph answers,

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