How to Survive a First Grade Field Trip
I love, love, love the fact that I can attend my kids’ school field trips.
After saying goodbye to my dreams of homeschooling, this is a new and unexpected experience. 
I have been on a few school field trips now. I have gone on a tour of a local apple orchard, a choir competition, and performance the Box Brothers. I have learned a few things along the way and am always happy to share my hard-earned wisdom with you.
Tips to survive a first-grade field trip.
1. Make sure you have an 8 am appointment so you can’t possibly ride the school bus. This will save you from diesel fumes, car sickness and a relaxed morning.*
*this also gives you the distinct advantage of appearing busy and therefore important.
2. Don’t Eat Breakfast.
Try to make sure you are sufficiently busy and your children are sufficiently grumpy so you can leave the house without eating and after drinking only half a cup of coffee. This will ensure that you don’t have any excess energy to burn.
3. Don’t Pack a Lunch.
Skip that pesky task of packing a lunch for both you and your child. Make sure your child chooses school lunch because it’s his very favorite (yogurt parfait). Don’t pause to consider the fact that he is going on a field trip. At lunchtime, he can eat six carrot sticks and frozen strawberries (with sugar!) because he sure as heck isn’t going to eat the prepackaged, crustless sandwich the school has in their brown bag.
Don’t pack a lunch for yourself either. Since you started the morning right with no breakfast, you may as well skip lunch too.
4. Make sure you’re not a convicted felon.
Security is tough these days and you need a background check to accompany your own six-year-old to the local library.
5. Be Sure and Bring Your Camera Along.
It is good to begin acclimating your child (and his friends) to the constant barrage of paparazzi as early as possible. This helps build self-esteem and false confidence.
How about you? Do you have any helpful tips for surviving school field trips?
Do not stop to check if they are wearing a coat, or have a hat, on the trip to the orchard on a cool, crisp day. Fresh air is good for them. Besides, winter is coming soon; they need to acclimate their bodies to cooler weather.
Ah, see, I knew someone would chime in with more helpful hints! I probably would have done that except I was at my 8 am appointment, so I wasn’t the once to dress Apollo or check the appropriateness of his clothing.
Encourage your child to test their bladder capacity by skipping the morning trip to the toilet before boarding the school bus!