Yes, it’s true. We are one of those mean families who doesn’t allow sleepovers. Such trauma, such suffering our children go through. It’s amazing any of them have managed to survive our home life.
7 Reasons Our Family Doesn’t Do Sleepovers:
Much like Val Jean from Les Miserables, I too have done 19 years. Of broken sleep. While I didn’t steal a loaf of bread, I did procreate, gestate and birth a whole herd of children. I have done nineteen years of broken sleep, my friends. NINE-TEEN. Just think about that for a moment. In those nineteen years I have had very short periods of time (months at the longest stretch) where all of children have slept through the night. Avi was still coming into our bed when I was pregnant with Apollo. Sleep is important to me. I would give up sunshine, clean laundry and maybe even coffee (or my firstborn child) to get a good night’s sleep. Which I don’t. Ever. But woe to the child who’s noisy friends wake me up or keeps me up when I’m trying to sleep.
2. I’m an Awesome Mom (between the hours of 6 AM to 8 PM)
I’m an awesome mom. And amazing mom. A Let’s Throw a Party for No Reason Other Than We Like a TV Show mom. I rock this whole mom thing. But I can only be a nice mom until 8 pm. Really. Trust me on this one.
3. No Privacy
We have no bedroom doors in our house. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. Tilly got a bedroom door for her birthday last year and Chuck and I have a bedroom door. It’s not that we are against bedroom doors…they can actually be quite handy, especially when kids are trying to get dressed. The thing is, a certain child of ours with an explosive temper has broken them. All. Why not just replace the darn doors, you ask? Most of them have been replaced at least once…only to be broken again. And the rooms that are still doorless are doorless because Child With the Explosive Temper not only broke the doors, but the door frames as well. Repairing those is basically a mini-remodeling job. And I am just going to assume that my daughters’ friends’ parents, would prefer them not to spend the night with my teen boys in our House of the Broken Doors.
And vice versa.
My idea of bedtime is a healthy dose of Melatonin and all kids in bed by 8 pm. Okay, that doesn’t work so much with 16 and 17 year olds, I’ll admit it. And only a few kids get Melatonin (doctor approved). But still, my ideal bedtime is kids tucked in at 8 PM and no nighttime tube feedings. Hey, a girl can dream, right?
5. Family size.
Let’s face it, we have so many people in our family already, we would likely be breaking some kind of fire code if we had more people here. When I was a kid, my mom would have me and my two brothers all have a friend spend the night at the same time. That way we were all occupied and she “got it over with” all at once. That meant she had one night with six kids in her house. I haven’t had only six kids in our house since 2002. If all of my kids had a friend over at once, we could probably have our own reality TV show: Christian Family Frat Party. Or something. Or, I could let the kids have sleepovers (one at a time) for 2 1/2 months out of the year (10 kids – 10 weeks). Um, no.
6. The Slumber/Sleep Irony
My children don’t seem to understand that the definition of both slumber (as in slumber party) and sleep (as in sleepover) indicates that the person or persons are sleeping. Unconscience, dead to the world. And if our little friends are indeed slumbering peacefully all through the night, they do not need to be in my house.
My idea of a slumber party breakfast is to double the amount of oatmeal we make. End of story.
How about you? Do you host slumber parties? Ship your kids off to friends’ houses for the night?