I am not ashamed to say that I stand (literally and figuratively) in the Leggings Are Not Pants camp.
It’s not that I have anything against leggings themselves (though I am pretty sure I have never owned a pair) it’s just they aren’t pants.
Over the years we have bought dozens of pair of leggings from Lands End for our daughters. We always paired them with cute little dresses. I don’t think it ever occurred to me that they are stand-alone (no pun intended) clothing items.
But here’s the thing. I am sitting here writing this profound essay from the comfort of, not leggings, but long johns and a cozy fleece pull-over from REI.
And not only that, but I actually found myself looking in the mirror this morning and asking, “I wonder if these could pass as leggings? I mean, they are black. Would it be okay to wear these out of the house?”
These long johns are soft and cozy and the fabric gives in all the right places. It is like being naked.
No, it’s better than being naked.
It’s like being naked and warm.
(Can you tell I grew up in Alaska? I’m not sure I have *ever* been naked and warm at the same time…well, maybe before I was born…)
My eyes have been opened, my senses awakened, to the sheer coziness of non-pants.
This is my life right now, my friends. I am one step away from going to Walmart in my pajamas. Not only do I seriously consider sleeping on waiting room couches, but I am having an internal debate about the merits of long johns as pants.
Listen. I am forty and hormonal changes over the last few years (no, it’s not menopause) have caused me to put on weight. Yes, I know how to solve that problem (eat clean and exercise) but I also know how to get adequate sleep (go to bed early and don’t let first graders, dogs or weird noises wake you) but for better or worse I do not live alone or with a private chef.
So all of these long john ponderings led me to think…can I pull off leggings? It is Han Solo Season, after all. I think I only have two friends left (one is male and the other is a dog) who don’t sell Lularoe. I could get some leggings. But then I would need long shirts, tunics or perhaps mumus (I’m pretty sure this one is perfect for me) to wear over them.
And that just seems like way too much work for this Girl Who Hates Shopping.
When I realized that no, Renee, no matter how comfortable those long johns are, they really are not pants and you should not, under any circumstances leave the house in them, I started wondering if I really needed to leave the house*. I mean, how important is it for me to return the movie I’ve had from Red Box since Friday? Toilet paper? Lunch meat? Laura Ingalls never had those luxuries. I know, because I have read all of her books.
*Proof right that leggings (and their gateway cousin, long johns) lead to sin. In this case, the sin of laziness.
Well, my friends, I think I’ve delayed the inevitable long enough.
I’m off to repent, slip on my pants, and return that Red Box movie.
Your Pants Wearing friend, Renee
Please do chime in. You all gave me the green light to go ahead and sleep in the waiting room. What are your thoughts on wearing long johns as pants?