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Parent Fail Friday in Crazy Town

Yesterday was…beautiful. Hectic. Relaxing. Fun. Stress-inducing. Warm. Busy. Crazy.

I could leave it at that, but really, where would the fun be?

It started like this: The parent in This Family Who Isn’t Me put Apollo to bed without a pull-up. In our bed.  Apollo is tube fed 12 ounces of liquid as he sleeps, so yes, he still wets the bed. Apollo is sleeping in our bed temporarily because the boys’ room is torn up for painting. So, about 3 am I woke in a puddle of a sop. Nice. First thing in the morning, I stripped off all the sheets and bedding and started them washing.

The rest of the day consisted of:

a fresh coat of paint on the beds

driving Mordecai for a tour of the Jr. High

a trip to the grocery store

a trip to the lake

a trip to the kids’ school to turn in a form

a trip to the psychologist for Avi.

Then things got interesting. I needed Kalina to pre-heat the oven and start dinner, so I called the house on my way home. She didn’t hear the phone or answer, because she was watching a movie downstairs with her cousins. I arrived home at four, knowing I need to: cook dinner, feed the kids and have them clean and presentable so we could leave at 5 for Judah and Tilly’s Phi Theta Kappa meeting. Judah is the Co-President of the honor society and Tilly was being inducted.  It was kinda a big deal.

We made it to the meeting. Everyone was fed and alive and dressed. Judah did amazing. As I sat there and watched him speak in front of the large group, I couldn’t believe that just two years ago he was homeschooling at our kitchen table and had never set foot in a classroom before! Now he was Co-President of the honors society at his college. CRAZY!

(And Yay me!)

He was dressed in a  suit and spoke with ease. We were very proud. Tilly’s name was called among the other students’ and she went up to receive her cords, signifying her induction into Phi Theta Kappa. It was awesome.

Chuck decided to take the kids to Dairy Queen afterward. He did this when Judah was inducted and the kids insisted we carry on this important tradition. As we walked out to the parking lot, the kids rounded a corner ahead of us, and suddenly some ran back saying one of the kids had been punched in the throat.

Ah, yes. Child A “accidentally” punched Child B in the throat. How you “accidentally” throat punch someone several inches taller than you is beyond me. Child B was crying. When asked Child A why she punched Child B in the throat,  the answer was, “she was saying mean things”. Chuck, in his infinite wisdom, pointed out that if she throat punched her sister for “saying mean things” it wasn’t an accident.

During the moments following the throat punching incident, Apollo pulled at my arm and  whispered, “Mama, what does ‘period’ mean?”

Me, walking briskly, trying to make it out to the van, “Ah…its something that happens to girls when they go through puberty

Apollo was silent.

Me, still walking, “Wait! Do you mean ‘period’ like Dad just said, ‘not another word period?’

Apollo: Yes.

Ah…well, what can I say? In the heat of the moment, dealing with girls in the midst of pubescent angst, that is where my mind went first.

But wait, that’s not all!

But the time I had reached the van, Pesky Brother had been slapped by a crying Child B because he was making faces at her and making fun of her. In a matter of five minutes, we had: a throat punch, an explanation of menstruation to a four-year-old, a bratty brother teasing his sister and a face slap. Needless to say, we did not feel like taking the whole crew to Dairy Queen and subjecting the world to our family drama.

So I headed home with Child A,  Child B, Pesky Brother and two other (innocent) children who wouldn’t fit in Chuck’s work truck or Judah’s car.

Thankfully, Aunt Tara came to the rescue with ice cream for our two innocents, and everyone survived.



    • bakersdozenandapolloxiv

      Thank you! I can assure you my attitude is not always good, but I do try my best.

    • bakersdozenandapolloxiv

      You are so welcome. Somedays it is either laugh or cry…or write about it on the blog. Let me tell you, when your children suddenly start throat punching and face slapping, you begin to question every parenting philosophy you’ve ever had.

  1. Vivian

    my only words, God gave you these children because the rest of us would not have lived to write about it …. ha ha

    • bakersdozenandapolloxiv

      Ha! You know how easy it is to “accidentally” throat punch a sibling who is six inches taller than you, don’t you? Especially when they are “saying mean things”.

  2. kris

    My take away is that everyone made it through the ceremony so that’s a win. You have to take the wins where you can get them.

    • bakersdozenandapolloxiv

      Thank you! I heard there were some “if looks could kill” moments throughout the ceremony, but I doubt if anyone except my own children noticed…

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